Moving Forward After Your Ex Starts a New Relationship

Moving Forward After Your Ex Starts a New Relationship

This can be a very difficult time. You may have been thinking that you were ‘over it’, but seeing or hearing about some-one else ‘invading’ a physical or emotional space that was yours can bring on a whole new sense of reality. This can trigger grief responses for the relationship all over again.

Here are some steps you can take to work through this very difficult but inevitable stage.

Step 1: Identify Your Thoughts

Write down the thoughts that come to mind when you think about your ex's new relationship. They can be both positive and negative but it is probably only the negative ones that are bothering you. Be honest and specific.

Example:

-          I feel like I wasn’t good enough.

-          He moved on so quickly; did I mean anything to him?

Step 2: Challenge Negative Thoughts

For each thought, ask yourself:

-          Is this thought based on facts or assumptions?

-          What evidence supports or contradicts this thought?

-          What would I say to a friend who felt this way?

Example:

-          Thought: I feel like I wasn’t good enough.

-          Challenge: Our relationship ended for reasons beyond just me. I have these qualities that make me valuable, and list them.

Step 3: Reframe Your Thoughts

Turn negative thoughts into balanced, constructive ones.

Example:

-          Negative: He moved on so quickly; did I mean anything to him?

-          Reframed: his actions reflect his journey not my worth. I deserve to focus on my own happiness

Step 4: Focus on Your Values

List the things that matter most to you—your goals, passions, and values. Use these as a compass to guide your next steps. Consider whether any of these were compromised by the relationship. Was there anything you gave up or did a lot less of?

Example:

-          I value kindness and growth. I want to invest in relationships that align with these values.

Step 5: Take Action

Write down small, achievable steps to move forward. These could be self-care activities, reconnecting with friends, or exploring new hobbies.

Example:

-          Join a yoga class to meet new people and relax.

-          Rekindling old friendships you value by going out for coffee or a picnic together.

-          Spend time journaling to process my feelings.

This is a starting point to help you regain focus and confidence. The rest is up to you.