Living with Someone with Dementia:

Living with Someone with Dementia:

It is difficult for sure, but a few minor tweaks and awareness can go a long way to making daily life easier for all concerned.

 You could announce yourself when you enter a room, e.g.  “Hi Mum/Dad (this tells them what the relationship is)- it’s Bobby (give them a name).”  Never ask-  Do you know who I am???  which causes anxiety, confusion and shame if they can’t remember. They will still like receiving hugs or handshakes so add that into the greeting.

Embrace the sufferer’s reality rather than forcing your reality into them.  If they think their spouse is still alive, or they are visiting parents or friends living or deceased for dinner, let them believe those things. Everyone will be much happier for it. This leads on to not wasting time arguing about what is true for the sufferer versus what is true for you.

If they are not sure who you are, do not take it personally. Their timelines are confused especially if you resemble a family member. Mothers often mistake sons for husbands or even fathers because their timeline might still see him as her sweet little boy but the grown man looks a lot more like other men in her life. Likewise, fathers may mistake daughters for other women in his life.

Loosing the ability to use utensils can be humiliating. Rather than starting to feed the person you could preserve dignity switching to a finger-food diet for some meals at least, so they can still feed themselves for longer. Also make sure that there are plenty of snacks for them in the house. Even if they don’t eat, they get angry, may have trouble explaining what I need so having food readily available is often helpful.

Keep validating their emotions even when they are sad or anxious seemingly without reason. Hold their hands, listen and do not tell them that their feelings are unfounded. They don’t want to be treated like children so talk to them like the adults they are when doing this.

They will still want to enjoy the things that they always enjoyed. Help them find ways to exercise, read, and visit with friends. Make sure they have their favourite music playing within earshot.

Don’t exclude them from parties and family gatherings. You can make a connection by asking them to tell you a story from their past but don’t act frustrated if they mix up names, events, or places. Take a deep breath. It’s not their fault.

If they become agitated it is worth sitting down and taking the time to figure out what is bothering them. Don’t talk about them as if they not in the room while trying to figure out their needs.

If they like to pick up items and carry them around, help them return those items to their original place. Don’t feel guilty if you cannot care for a dementia sufferer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. It’s not your fault, and you’ve done your best. Self-care and taking breaks is vital for your own mental health. Find someone who can help you, or choose a great new place for them to live; one with a bus and activities!! If you decide on a dementia care community, visit often. The more familiar people they see the longer their memories will survive.

Always treat them the way that you would want to be treated and remember that they are still the person you know and love deep down inside.